Photo by Eric Armstrong

To be honest, I have no idea where to begin. I had no idea how I wanted to use my blog to speak on the systemic racism and injustice happening in our country. I have been struggling a lot with this mentally, and I got quiet. I needed to take some time for myself and figure out what the f*ck was going on. I apologize for my silence. Now, this isn’t a pity party for me, so I grew up, put my big girl pants on & figured out how I can contribute and work through this. 

First things first, if you’re a control freak like me, you probably freaked out as well. It was a very frustrating feeling to have a strong sense of desire for change, but have no idea where to begin. I signed the petitions, texted the numbers, and donated. Okay great, but I can’t just close my laptop, pat myself on the back, and move on. So then I would sit, and be like “What else???”. To be honest, I still don’t know, but here’s what I do know. 

You have to get comfortable being wrong. That’s what really scared me about using my platform. I was being childish and was afraid to say they wrong thing. Then, one of my close friends said to me: “Dang, I really wish people didn’t feel that way”. And I lost it, I mean LOST IT. I started sobbing and it finally dawned on me. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO BE COMFORTABLE IN THE UNCOMFORTABLE (I think someone famous probably said that but who knows). I realized that this is new territory for me (and a lot of us), I needed to accept the fact that I had a lot to learn. I really started to think about my past and my life experiences, and wondered how things might’ve been different if I had been more aware of what was going on. 

Another thing, I was really upset when I realized that my POC friends live through this on a daily basis, and I had no idea. I don’t know if they felt they couldn’t talk to me about this, or if I seriously just needed to go get my f*ckin eyes checked so I could really see what was going on in our world. If you’re feeling this way, I recommend just starting by reaching out to your friends. Let them know that you are there for them, and are willing to have a chat anytime. It’s important for each of us to have a strong support system we can utilize. 

At the beginning of this, someone called me out behind my back- and said some pretty hurtful things. I sat on it for a week, and then posted on my Instagram story screenshots of his messages, with some caption about how “now is not the time to be turning against each other, we are stronger as one blah blah blah”, which is TRUE do not get me wrong. But, I was being a total HYPOCRITE by posting this. I advise you not to get involved in petty drama around this movement, there are bigger things we need to direct our energy towards. I deleted it after 2 minutes, I was operating from a place of anger, and none of us should be there. 

It took all 20 years of my life for me to finally WAKE UP. Maybe this happening during a pandemic is actually a good thing? Now we all have the time to educate ourselves, reach out to our friends, vote, and really learn how we can create change. It was a privilege for me to have no idea what was going on, because it didn’t affect me. But now, I need to use my privilege to fight for what I believe in. Fight for my friends to be able to live their lives to the fullest. We all needed this wakeup call, and it’s finally here. It’s going to be hard work, but think about this: if we all did one thing a day for an entire year, (whether that’s reading an article, having a conversation with friends/family, doing research, etc.), we would create tremendous change and awareness. If you swapped out your nightly Kardashian episode (*cough* me) for a movie or documentary about systemic racism, it’s an easy way to begin educating yourself. People would be more comfortable talking about this, because they would be more EDUCATED. Do one thing a day, don’t get overwhelmed. I am so inspired by my friends that are out protesting, donating, posting, educating others, and working really hard to create a change. A quote that really stuck out to me:

“It’s a privilege to be able to fight against racism instead of having to live it daily”

Today I’ll be listening to Brené Brown’s podcast “Unlocking Us”, her latest episode is with Ibram X. Kendi on How to Be an Antiracist. Here’s the link

The work we are doing is creating a much-needed massive change. We have to keep going. Maybe if I get a bunch of my friends in bikinis holding Black Lives Matter posters, that could get Trump’s attention. Hope he’s cozy in that bunker! But that’s a post for another time. ANYWAY- keep going friends, important changes are being made, because BLACK LIVES MATTER. 

If you have any podcast/book/movie recommendations, share in the comments! xx

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